Valentine’s Day is often commercially associated with romance, flowers, candlelit dinner, and many other lovely things that make your heart warm and fuzzy. But behind the flutter of lovey-doveyness we know that love is often much more than a feeling in the moment. It is an act of will, just like to choosing to love and follow Jesus. We have to want it. Valentine’s Day only takes place once a year, it is up to us to choose our partners for the other 364 days – for better or worse.

As a single and unmarried individual, I decided to seek the wisdom of married couples with a very important question:

What is the secret to keeping the flame alive in your relationship?

Here are their answers…


“Making time for dates, keeping regular communications with each other face to face, creating fun memories and doing little things for each other that the other person will love and appreciate.” – Joshua & Angie Sundram

“We are thankful that we both have the opportunity to serve God together in the church and in a way we become more aware of each other and we are able to love and serve one another much easier in spite of our differences.” – Cris & Cheral Aparente

“The oil of intimacy and love keep the relationship burning.” – Emmanuel & Josefa Firmacion

“The secret is quite simple actually. Keeping the other person alive. No life, no relationship, no flame. So practically I would say, learning CPR, how to clean bullet wounds, and staying away from cliffs. But really, it’s choosing to always see the best in the other person.” – Tham Mun Yang & Evie

“I cook.” – Dennis Low (married to Alicia)

“Laughing together.” – Mark John & Huis Hariman

“Intentionally doing things together, listening more, keeping communication open, and praying for each other. Hug and kisses everyday! Lastly, appreciate the similarities and respect the differences.” – Vincent & Jennifer Toh

“For us, it’s making it a point to hang out with each other after the kids have gone to bed and share about our day. It’s when we get to learn about what is on each other’s hearts and see how we can support each other. Knowing, like really knowing, each other’s concerns and intentions really helps us stay in-tuned to each other. It also helps that our love languages are very similar!” – Kevin & Aarika

“Being adventurous to take on new experiences together!” – Ian & Grace Lee